u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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