last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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