and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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