You're earring is so big in my mouth
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
