it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
