alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
