I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize