Barsexuality is the new black.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
