Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
