i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I need to calm my uterus...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
