once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
