i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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