Having a random hookup so left but love u
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
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