Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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