just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Your dad touched me again.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just invented taco cereal.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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