I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
