Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
