Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Less talking, more tequila
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
