when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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