living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dicks are not precious.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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