ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
