WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
