The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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