Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Randomize
