Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
