THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
