someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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