So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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