i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
