Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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