I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
