Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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