I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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