She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
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You. Win. At. Life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
