And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
just found out that she named her cat after me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
