I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
