Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
