This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
