my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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