So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
