3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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