I want to have your abortion
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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