Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
