I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
