i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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