you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
