is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
