I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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