Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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