i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
