Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
