I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize