Welp...herpes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Alive.
So much puke
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
