careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
