If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
