We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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