He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
