I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
