there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
