What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
