I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he shaved USA in his pubs
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
