When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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