Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
