I heard we made out
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
