i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
