my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
