I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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