I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
