So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
