So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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