That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
