When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
