He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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