im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize