I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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