don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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