guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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