so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
