I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
what day is it and did you see me today?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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