just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
