Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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