So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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