Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
