i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
