I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
