Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How does one acquire holy water?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
