Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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