the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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