I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize